Ever since then.

Ever since that night,
Every second of the day,
You are on my mind.

Ever since that moment,
I think about you day and night.

Ever since that night,
My heart is holding on to this feeling,
Really tight.

This is goodbye

Today is the day,
I realised,
One more time.
I drew,
Another line.
And everything will be fine,
Without you around.

You asked me to tell you,
How everything was,
When I finally made that decision.
Right now,
I made that decision.
But I won't tell you,
Anymore.
I won't talk to you about it.
Because it will mean nothing.
It will only show once more,
That I care about you.

I poured out my love on you.
The love I really wanted to give to you.
Because I thought your heart was worth it.
I only care about the heart.
Not about the body around it.
I wonder if you are the same?

Anyway,
I am not like that.
When I am honest,
I am honest.
When I am true,
I am true.
Which means I'll do,
What you are doing.
Doing what it takes to stay with that one person,
Giving that person everything that person needs.
But I don't have anything to give,
Anymore.
So here I finally end.

This is goodbye.
For now.

Something old, something new

I remember the old.
And the new.
And everything is leading me back to you.
For a zillion times.
And you will never read this.
I just know you never will.
But you were that special one.
I will probably never forget.

Something new.
To remember me,
Of who I was.
To remember me of you.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsBObg-1BQ

Failure.

I still remember that moment.
You held me tight from behind.
And You send us out to tell everyone about You.
To be a radiator like You.
To send Your Love to everyone around us.
Lately I think back at that moment.
And I look at my hands.
And I want to be like You.
But really sometimes,
It feels like I really failed.
Like my hands are useless.
Like I am useless.
I want You to see.
That I feel like,
Everything I can be is me.
Everything I am right now,
Is me...

Changes.

So everything turns to normal,


Right?








No...
Sometimes changes can't be undone,
And you have to move on,
While remembering that you have to accept,
What can't be undone.

Better late, than never

Because I know,
That if things were different,
This would have happened already.
It's weird to realise,
Everything,
Later.
But later is better than never.
Because everything you hide,
Everything that's hidden,
Will be discovered one day.
And no-one can do a thing about that.

Hide.

When you come back.
I will be long gone.
I am nowhere to find.
You have to search for me,
In the deepest seas,
On the highest mountains,
In the darkest woods.
You won't find me.
You have to search more.
I am hiding for sensation,
Hiding for the temptation.
I find my weakness in your eyes.
And I know I will never wake up from this unreal dream,
If I don't walk away,
If I don't run away and hide.

I burried my heart and my soul deep in my own ground.
Only the true one can find it and keep.
I will only allow the true one that have it and take care of it.

Lose it.

I want to see you lose your mind.
I want to see you go out of your mind.
Freak out.
Lose it.
Just like I am about to.
I am holding back every single action.
To keep everything safe.
To keep everything calm.

Hide and seek.

Ikenai asibi shittara ato ni modorenai kyori.



Step, step into the floor. 
Take, take it to the floor. 
Shake, shake it on the floor. 
Hide and seek, hide and seek. 
Step, step into the floor.
Take, take it to the floor. 
Shake, shake it on the floor. 
Hide and seek, hide and seek.


My heart is beatin', keeps on repeatin,' 
Arienai suuchi. 
I wanna see your body bounce for me. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiRaiKPmeAY

A bad joke

Well hello again.
Or maybe not hello again.
Because I find myself being alone again.
And I feel like this ain't my fault.
You know it's yours.
Because I told you.

And I can't help thinking...
Why the hell are you getting closer to me,
If you intend to run away after?

I still think this whole situation sounds like a bad joke.
Not a funny one.
Not a funny one at all.

And you said,
That there was something.
It wasn't without a reason.

But what is your reason,
For thinking,
You can do the things,
You want to do.

Someone once told me,
That between black and white,
There are many colors.
But sometimes there ain't a 'middle'.
Some things are either good or right,
Black or white.
So if you want to do it right,
You either back off,
Or give it all.
Because I am not an empty space for rent.
And love is something that comes from the bottom of your heart and soul.
Love is not only about loving 'the body'.

Friendship comes from the depths of your heart and soul.
But love comes from even a deeper place,
In your heart and your soul.

Friendship makes you smile when you are with your friends.
Love makes you smile when you are with that special person.
But there is one big difference.
Love makes you shine,
Love makes you sparkle,
Love makes you glow,
When you are with that special person

41...

41 already...
Time flies so fast.
April started and is almost finished.
And it has already been quite hot...
And it has already been windy...

I know summer is coming and spring has come and gone so quick...
But I still don't know if I am ready for this summer...
I'll have to,
No matter what happens.

Still it feels weird that everything is coming back to me again,
For the second time.
Are you coming to get me again?
Are you coming to remember me once more?
I know I have to remember,
To move forward.
But remembering is hard,
When all you want is to stop remembering and let go.

Like waterdrops

Lights up my heart.
Gives me an adrenaline shot.
Makes me feel so warm inside.
Makes me smile from ear to ear.
Makes my cheeks blush.

Is there a moment when this will stop?
Is there a moment when I move forward and everything drops down slowly.
Like you are walking around.
And every single feeling drops down on the ground like water.
And every single feeling pours down,
Slowly,
Like waterdrops.
And when it hits the ground,
It disappears.
Shattered pieces,
Fade to dust.
Until the last wind blows it away.

I wonder..

That could not have been me.
It must have been someone else.

I wonder if that memory is real.
I wonder if every truth was real.
I wonder if every lie, was really lied.
I wonder if every deed has really been done.
I wonder what I should believe.
And what I should fight for.

One day..

I never told you these words face-to-face.
But I still want to,
One day.
Even though it might be in the past tense.
Even though it might not change anything.
I just want to be able to say those words...
It would mean a lot to me if I could.
One day...

Owl City-Strawberry Avalanche

If you were a beautiful sound,
In the echoes all around,
Then I'd be your harmony.
And we'd sing along with the crowds,
Beneath the candy coated clouds.

All along.

And I thought I knew everything.
Until that one day...
Until that happened...
I thought: 'what's going on?'
Days passed...
More things happened...
And I started to realise,
That some things were going on,
All along.
I started to realise that.
It also made me realise that,
I must have liked you,
All along.

Leaving...

I want to leave.
I want to go.
It feels like I have to.
To get back to my own world again.

But then again,
I don't understand,
Why this happened.

Moreover,
Why do you care?
Why do you keep coming back?

And if I really leave,
Will you still come back?
Will you still be there?

Prayer.

At that moment I heard Your Voice.
You were saying: 'please stop, everything I see hurts me so.'
I saw You crying and bleeding in front of me.
And the tears ran down my face.
Because of every single thing that happened around me.
But moreover, knowing that You were missing,
Knowing that someone/something was missing.
I made me cry out every single tear in me.
And then I told You: 'I am so sorry, Father.'
'I feel like I screwed up this time.'
'It feels like I lost You completely.'
'Please, please tell me what to do,
To find You back again.'

That door.

When you entered that door, I knew everything that was about to happen, was going to change everything.
When you left through that door, I knew everything that just happened, didn't mean a single thing.
I just knew it somehow.

The pain of losing

And I have been through this all before.
I know how it feels.
When it feels like you lose the world around you.
The things you love the most.
The people you love the most.
Sometimes tend to disappear the fastest.
And even though,
I know,
How it feels.
I can't get used to it.
People say that's life.
But I think you have no idea what you are talking about.
Did you ever lost something precious?
Did you ever felt like something precious was slipping through your fingers?
I wonder if you really know.
I wonder if your heart has ever felt the pain inside,
The pain of losing.
It is something I don't understand.
I just can't.
And it feels like you don't feel it,
As deep as I feel it.
But because I know,
Because I know how it feels.
I can understand everyone that feels the same.
Because of that, I can't understand you.
I don't understand you at all.

In my place

In my place, in my place,
Were lines that I couldn't change. 
I was lost, oh yeah. 

I was lost, I was lost.
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed. 
I was lost, oh yeah.




If you go, if you go, 
Leaving me here on my own,
Well I wait for you.

Eyes.

And everytime you look me straight into the eyes,
An arrow shots at my heart.
I feel like I am getting a heartattack.

And everytime you do,
It's like you are looking right through me.

It's almost scary to look you straight into the eyes.

Remember and forget.

Remember, remember.
Forget, forget.

When I remember,
I will hold on.
And I keep controlling my memories.
I keep them near me, so no-one can take them away.

When I forget,
I am letting go.
And I loose control, because my memories slip through my fingers.


I should try to find a way to combine them,
Somehow,
Somewhere,
In the near future.

The third door.

I am walking through the night.
Walking through an endless maze.
With three doors at the end.
Every night I return.
Sometimes the first and the second are open a little bit.
Sometimes these two are closed.
And sometimes just one of the two is open.

It's hard, because I can't fully open the first and the second.
It doesn't matter how hard I push, they will never open totally.

And there's a third door.
This door is always open.
It's the one door I don't dare to enter.
Because I am not sure if the first or the second door will ever open.
And because the third door has flames and small invisible knives which will make my heart bleed and hurt.
I know they will.

And there is a voice inside me that tells me, that I have to get through that third door.
I have to get through it one day to get further.
But it's hard, because the pain will confront me with the truth.
The third door will probably show me how things are,
The third door will show me reality.

The day of beginning.

Nante dare mo wakatte wa kurenai.
Mayotte kyou mo yuku basho nante nai.
Sore demo machi wa ugoki hajimeteru,
Watashi wo oite.

Semete yume no naka deaetara.

Nante dare mo kanaete wa kurenai.

Kimi ni tsutaeru subesae shirazu ni.

Kyou mo tomatte iru.

No clue.

You probably won't understand.
Or you just won't feel anything,
When you read this.
The point is,
I am in love with you.
And the worst thing about that is,
I feel like there is nothing that can change that fact.
I wish I knew what to do.
But I don't have the slightest clue,
What to do.
So,
I am sorry.

Joyful tears.

My heart overflows with joy.
The things that make me smile so often.
When they make me smile.
I feel happy tears appearing in my eyes.
I don't quite understand why everything is happening.
I just know that this happiness I feel inside,
It's all I need right now.
It's ok.
It will be there.
Or everything will just pass in a while.
And I will find something else that will make me smile.

=]

For the sake of love

'It is also a rule to suffer for the sake of love.'

Kaitou Dark

D.N. Angel

Whenever.

Sono koe...

Hohoemi...

Takanatteku mune no kodou.

Hateshinaku fukai ai na naka,

Yasashisa to tsuyosa o shiru.

Itami o iyashite kimi no tame ni hane o hirogeyou.

Hageshii ame no naka mo,

Nobasu yubisaki mienai yamiyo de mo kimi o mitsukeru itsuka sono te o hiite.

Iki mo dekinu hodo tsuyoku kimi no koto dakishimeru kara.

Ore no na o yunde kure.

Kimi ni furisosogu kanashimi o subete uketomeru kara.

The door.

It feels like yesterday,
When I saw you walking away.
Back then I already knew.
But I wasn't sure.
And I didn't want to believe it.
Because I believed that everything was real.
But unconscious I just knew there was nothing at all.


And I remember every second.
And it still hurts,
Knowing,
That there was nothing at all.
And all I see,
Is you leaving through that door.
The door,
I come and go through every day.
The door reminds me of those moments.
Those moments which I will never forget.

Addiction.

Like that song you want to hear over and over again.
Like that place you always want to go.
Like that dream you will never let go.
Like that scent you always want to have around you.
Like that memory you can't let go.





Something that's bittersweet,
Something that's called addiction.

The same.

It doesn't matter what happens.

I will still see you the same as when we first met.

And I won't stop believing in you. :)

If you ever need someone to talk to,

Then I will be there.

.

Start living your own life.
Do the things that are important.
And don't let anyone distract you.
Follow your dreams and your heart.
I believe in you.
And I believe you can do so much more.
I just know you can do it.
I am sure of it. ^^

--

I want to blow your ears.
I want to blow your mind.
Just to make you see.
That this ain't right.

Speechless again.

I have no words.
Every single word got smashed on the ground like a mirror.
My mind just all of the sudden went blank.
Because I don't know.
I just don't know.
Everything just hit so hard I couldn't speak.
And I want to go.
I want to leave.
Because I feel it in the air and the trees.
They are all telling me to run, to leave.

Just make me believe.
But somehow it's like,
There is nothing to recieve.
I shouldn't have come here.
I shouldn't have trusted anything about this.

Damn.

Something just needs to happen.
Anytime soon, I need to regain my strength.
I need to be me.
I just need to be happy.
I just need to be free.
If you are trying to keep me near, then do something.
And if not, set me free.
Because I can't be like this any longer

Waiting.

And I somehow I know you are not coming back.
So why am I waiting?
Why am I waiting for you?
I just do not understand.

Spring.

It's in the air, you can feel it.
The warm air, the small breeze.
It's in the flowers and the trees, they show you their most beautiful leaves and flowers.
It's inside people's heads, everyone is so damn happy.
It's in the sky, the sky is blue.
And everyone knows it.
Spring came.

Honorful.

Something doing like that is honorful.
That's what you said.
I wonder how you feel.
I wonder if you feel that it's so unfair sometimes.
It makes us work harder.
That's what I know.
It's good.
It's OK.
But what do you do when you want to be there so badly, but you can't.
I still doubt if it's worth it.
But we will find out soon enough.
Until that moment,
I will keep you up-to-date.
I wonder how you are doing.
It feels like we are in same situation.
I just hope this won't crush one of us.
That would be too bad.

Stars.

I passed by that place a million times.
But I never noticed.
Until then.
I noticed the amazing stars.
I just stopped walking and looked at them.
And now, everytime I pass by.
I stop to look at the stars.
I am fascinated by them.
And they are so pretty.

I ain't walking away

I ain't walking away.
Not today, not tomorrow.
Not this moment.
I am slowly moving.
Showing you who I am.
Trying to discover who you are.
I want to let this go instead of letting you as a person go.
And I know this is so hard.
But I think I finally know how to be between black and white.
It's ok.
Things will be ok.
As long as I believe.
I have my believe.
And I won't stop believing.
Trying to turn every black thing into something white.
And if I can't get.
Then I will give.
And I ain't walking away.

Open your eyes

Open your eyes.
You are almost there and yet you are almost gone.
I just hope you will see, anytime soon.
It will help you anyway.
I just don't want to see you being left alone without anyone.
I don't want you to be hurted in the end.
Just so you know, I don't hate anyone.
I just care too much about you, to let this go.

Sigh.

And I just hate the fact, that I don't dare to be alone.
And I just hate the fact that I can't get you out of my head and that you make me feel so bad.
I wish every bad thing on my mind disappeared.
And for once in my life I would feel really good, for a few weeks.

-

And everytime, I break a little harder.
And everytime I don't know what to say.
It's been years since I first felt this.
But somehow in all those years, I never had the guts to tell you.
To tell you, though I am your flesh and blood, I don't trust you.
I don't trust anyone for the fully 100%.
It's like that.
I am not sure if that's the reason.
But it might be that it has something to do with all this.

Stupid.

I hate you.
You are stupid,
Clumsy,
Weird,
Annoying,
Lazy,
You are always standing out.

But what I hate the most about you,
Is that I don't hate you at all.
I hate the fact that I care a lot about you,
And my feelings aren't totally letting you go.
And what I hate most about that, is that I feel like I can't do anything to change that.

Different.

And I don't understand why you lead and follow.
And I don't understand what's the point in doing things like that at all.
But I guess I am stronger, somehow.
I guess I am different from you.

Obviously

Obviously there is something you are not saying, not telling.
Or, you are not sure.
Or, you just don't want anyone to know...
Either way.
We all think it's still there.
That something is up.
But just like last time.
I know.
It can take forever.
Before I discover what's behind this all.

You are always running away.

I would hide there if it meant safety.
But the only meaning is uncertainty
And I know you don't know me.
Enough to know that I am not only a body.
But I am human.
And I want you to see.
I want you to see what I see.
That some things are not how they are supposed to be.
But it's like you are not really listening.
You just move.
Stubborn.
Just like me.
But every single thing about this makes me cry.
It makes me want to hide, from every single thing in this world.
It makes me want to disappear.
Because I am freaking out.
And it feels that there's nothing left here.
It's like I am running, but losing everyone around me, because I ran too far.

I wish your heart bleeded.
Just because this wasn't right.
Because I am crying out.
But it's like you're just standing there and you are running away.
All the time...
I want you to stay for this one moment and do what you have to do.
And all you do is run.
And I still wonder why.

Trust.

I don't believe you anymore.
You just destroyed your own glasses.
I freaked out, because I was seeing everything so clear all of the sudden.
Then I started to wonder if any of these words been said by you were true.
And I don't know anymore.
I just know I can't take it any longer like this.
I need to hear the truth from your own mouth.
And after that, I am gone.
And I will try,
To forget,
That beautiful single memory in my head.
Yes, it was perfect.
Maybe far too perfect.
Reminds you of,
When things are getting too much,
Something must be wrong.
And I am not like this.
So this ain't the place were I belong.
You have to do a lot to fix this or make me trust you again.

I dont want to ...

I don't want to be jealous.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I don't want to be weak anymore.
I don't feel unneccessary bad things.
I don't want to be me anymore.

At this very moment, I hate myself.
And I don't want to be here anymore.
I just want to be gone for a while.

And I know it was 3:30 am.
But I couldn't care less.
If you would have stayed the whole night,
I would have hold you the whole night.
<3