Small Asian boy

I still keep looking for your face.
I still think that one day I will see you walking around somewhere in the city centre.
Sometimes I think I see you, then I realise it is just someone who looks very much like you.

Thinking about the fact that you are gone still makes me sad.
I wish things were different.
I miss you.

Freezing.

That was ice-cold.
I hope you realise that.

True colors.

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow 





And if you can't see those true colors, then you must be blind.

In your own pretty face.

'Don't get mad, get even'

I shouldn't.

Honestly,
I want to believe you.
I want to trust you.
But the thing is, you give me a zillion reasons why I shouldn't...

R.I.P. Shoushun Lu

Those memories feel empty.
When I pass by those places, I feel empty.
I hope you can see us from up above, from Heaven.
I hope you see our tears and how much we love you and care about you.
I hope that Heaven treats you right.
Because that's what you deserve.

I just wish I could have hold your hand,
I wish I could have talked to you.
Even though I am not sure if it would have changed anything.

You remain in our hearts and memories.
♥

Dream.

You and me together still feels so unreal.
It feels like I am dreaming.
But it's reality and that's what makes me so happy :).

Never forget that I love you <3.
Even when I am not around.
I am always there even when my presence is missing.

Insane.

I want to drive you insane.

Thoughts during doing the dishes.

My hands burn from the boiling hot water that is in the sink.
My eyes are foggy like the morning fog.
My body feels weak, like someone stole all the energy in my body.
Even so I feel the courage and strength in my heart rising.
And when I look outside my window,
While listening to my music,
I agree that you,
Indeed,
Made my stormy sky beautiful.

And I get back to the boiling hot water in the basket in the sink with my dishes in it...
=)

Trust.

I hate feeling like,
I'll never be good enough for you...

It's stupid and might not be true...

I just don't know how to get rid of that feeling...

Maybe it needs time,
Maybe it takes trusting you,
Trusting who you are.
If I ever misunderstood,
If I ever doubt you,
And things turn out to be exactly the opposite of what I thought.
Then I am sorry,
I don't want to judge you for who you are.
I am just afraid that things will turn out to be different than I thought, in a bad way...
I wasn't sure what to find anyway...
Because I wasn't really expecting anything...

Still,
I'll try to remain calm,
To smile,
Be happy,
And trust you.
Moreover I want you to smile ^^.

I less than three you.

Cute.

Nope. You're the cutest.♥ End of story ^^
You can't argue with me about that :)

Decision.

To wait or not to wait, that's the question...

What I can be.

It reminds me of who I can be if I try really hard.
It reminds me of who I am sometimes.

I know I can be stronger and less insecure.
It reminds of how scared I am sometimes.

It's like you said:
'I don't want to be sensitive'

Somehow I believe we are able to change ourselves, but only for some parts.
Yet, we are who we are.
We are all beautiful in our own special ways.

Scent.

'All my clothes smell like you,
Cause your favorite shade is navy blue.'

Cry.

Sometimes I just want to cry,
Fall apart in your arms an cry.

You are real.

And I wish I saw Your eyes looking straight at me when I walk away, when I stumble and fall, when I smile, when I cry, when I try and give it all...
I wish I could see Your face, just to tell everyone what I saw, just to tell them that You are real....

Should I?

Sometimes I feel like I am flying.
Sometimes it feels like I am drowning.
And I am not sure how to act, how to react.
Should I tell you what's on my mind?
Should I tell you what I feel?
Should I tell what I truly want?
Is it worth the confusion?
The times I am unsure about what I am doing...
Because I don't know...

Change in the making.

Wish I could live more patiently
Wish I could give a little more of me
Without stopping to think twice
Wish I had faith like a little child
Wish I could walk a single mile
Without tripping on my own feet
But You’re not through with me yet




Addison Road - Change in the making

=]

Give me back,
What I am giving you,
Let me in,
I am going to melt you,
On the inside,
I am going to break down every wall around you,
I want to steal what belongs to you,
And I feel like,
I am going to do everything that it takes,
To reach what I want to...

Remember....

Remember crazy times.
Remember the time when everything changed.
Remember the day You came into my life.
Remember the day I lost someone special.
Remember the day when I said goodbye to the most beautiful things ever.
Remember when I felt so happy that I cried.
Remember the day I met you.

You can try to make me forget, but I will always remember...
Every single thing.

I want to know you.

You left me speechless...
And I am not sure what to think.
But I won't let go that easily.
Because I want to know how,
I want to know why.

I want to know the person behind that beautiful smile.
Did everyone ever told you how beautiful you are, on the inside and the outside...
I'd hug you if you were here right now, yes I would.
I miss you.

<3

Me.

For once in my life,
I want to see my own face instead of yours.
I want to see what it looks like and stop giving away who I truly am.
Yeah well I obviously care, like a lot...
But still, for once in my life I would like to be filled up...
For all my days and night...
And never feel lonely...
Never feel like I have lost something...
I would like to see me this time.
Only me,
Because I can't see you and I can't see me anymore...

Dissolve...

Right now I wish I would dissolve in the pouring rain and the freezing wind...
And I would like to come back when the storm in me is calmed down...
When things are safe again...

Stranger.

Me?
I am just a random stranger...
Passing by...
And when I passed by, I caught your eye..
My mind said: 'Hey! I don't know you, you are new ^^.
And you seem interesting somehow.'
And I said hello and told you my name.

And well,
All I am trying to say is,
That I don't know what to say or do.
I feel like trying to be perfect.
But I guess that's impossible...
I want to be myself...
But sometimes I just don't know how...
I'd rather hide behind jokes and laughs...
And I hope you'll see through it...
That even though I like to mess around,
I can be quite serious about the things/people I care about...
I guess I am 2 totally different sides in one person.

Maybe, maybe I'll tell you one day...
What I think, what I thought...
For now, I just hope you don't dislike me for who I am.

Who decides?

Who decides who I am?
Who decides who I should be?
Who decides what's right for me?
Who decides what's right and what's wrong?
Who decides what I should think or feel?
Who decides?

No-one does.
It will either be me, or Him...

Voices.

Your voices entwine,
Like raindrops,
Pouring down on the windows of a car.
And they disappear,
In the rain.
But I remember them,
Because I saw them.
And just a moment ago,
They were still here.

Your voices confuse me.
Because they are so the same and yet so different.
And I don't know which voice to listen to.
And they both scream for my attention.
How come I can't decide by myself?
How come my heart is deciding?
And just leads me to any place it wants to.
And why am I just swirling around like an autumn leaf?
Why do I flutter around like a butterfly?
I don't know who is talking to who...
I don't know which voice is louder...

Annoying.

I wasn't annoyed by you or your presence.
I was annoyed by the way I felt when I was around you.
I should have known that.
But I didn't know, or I did know,
But I was just ignoring it...

Less than three.

Blow my mind.
Light up my heart.
Heat me up and cool me down.
Light up that little flame.
Don't stop making me smile.
Don't stop making my heart dance and jump around.

You see,
Your presence makes me smile, your presence makes me happy.
Your presence makes me nervous and shy.
This feeling feels so much like flying,
And falling at the same time.

Uncertain.

I am not sure.
But just as you said 6 years ago,
'Life is like a chocolatebox, you never know what you're gonna get.'
&
'If you never try then you'll never know.'

Guess I will find out soon enough :).

Happy.

I miss you,
Sometimes when you are not there...
I always check if you are there...
I always want to talk to you...
And when you aren't there,
I wonder what you are doing, where you are and what you are thinking...

I keep remembering every single thing from the last two years...
I keep going over and over every single detail.
I keep wondering and wondering...
It's like I missed something.
And whenever I seem to let go of things,
You show up,
And cross my mind again.

And I am starting to become more and more honest with you.
But I don't want to ask you for anything.
It would seem selfish or unfair to do that.

All I want is you to be happy...
I want you to smile.

Scream.

You make me want to scream,
Fight you,
Chase you,
Pin you to the wall...

And I would keep screaming: ''Why?!''

Why is it so hard to give me what I am asking for?
I won't kill you for doing that.
I don't want to be hateful or anything like that.
But if things like this happen, I start regretting every word I ever said.
Every time I waited...
Every second I wasted..
I can't do it anymore...


If you want me,
Come after me,
Fight for me,
Care for me,
Show me who you are...
And well if you don't,
So be it.
Make your own choices.
I already made mine.
And if that means,
I'll lose you,
So be it.
There is nothing else I can do right now.

I'm sorry.

Never!?

Whatever it is that makes me smile,
If it would be you,
Would that be ok?

But whatever it is that makes me happy,
I feel,
I think,
I won't ever get what I want...

Walk away.

It is clearing,
And yet confusing at the same time.

And everything feels half,
Like I wouldn't be totally statisfied,
I am still not sure if it is just me who thinks that or that I should do more with it.

They say a cup is never fully empty or halfway empty,
There is always something inside the cup.
I just need to turn the cup upside down and catch the drops.
I need to see what's inside...
And every drop would count...
But the point is,
If you don't refill the cup you will remain thirsty...

What I am trying to say is:

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I wanna love
I want a fire
To feel the burn
My desires
I wanna man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me?
Die for me?
Live and breathe for me?
Do you care for me?
'Cause if you don't then just leave


Kelly Clarkson - Walk away

The truth.

I feel empty,
Sad,
Alone,
And confused...


Is this the truth?
The whole truth?
Because if it is not,
Then you would only make me feel like,
You leave me hanging,
Around here,
Somewhere.

And I wish I knew,
Who you are.
Because right now,
I really don't know anymore.

Angels.

Wake me if you're out there

Through the glass in my bedroom window
In the bushes far below
I thought I saw an unfamiliar shadow
Among the ones I so clearly know

I've been sleeping with the night light unplugged
With a note on the rocking chair
That says, "I'm dreaming of the life I once loved,
So wake me if you're out there."

Living close to the ground
Is seventh heaven 'cause there are angels all around
Among my frivolous thoughts
I believe there are beautiful things seen by the astronauts
Wake me if you're out there

Wake me if you're out there

In the dust on my cellar staircase
A pair of footprints followed me
I saw a flicker in the fake fireplace
Blinked again but there was nothing to see

I've been leaving all the windows unlocked
With a basket by the oak tree
'Cause I'll be pickin' up the acorns that fall off
If you'll be climbing up to meet me

Living close to the ground
Is seventh heaven 'cause there are angels all around
Among my frivolous thoughts
I believe there are beautiful things seen by the astronauts
Wake me if you're out there

I keep my knees black and blue
'Cause they often hit the hard wood floor
(Wake me if you're out there)
And I believe, so I'm not praying to the ceiling anymore

I've been sleeping with the night light unplugged
With a note on the rocking chair
That says, "I'm dreaming of the life I once loved,
So wake me if you're out there."

Living close to the ground
Is seventh heaven 'cause there are angels all around
Among my frivolous thoughts
I believe there are beautiful things seen by the astronauts

The indications reveal
(Wake me if you're out there)
That few of us realize life is quite surreal
So if you're dying to see
I guarantee there are angels around your vicinity
So if you're dying to see
I guarantee there are angels around your vicinity


Owl City - Angels

Teddybear.

Your spirit is sweet, so pull off your sheet
And give me a ghost of a smile
Show me your teeth, 'cause you're a teddy beneath
So just grin and bear it a while
Just grin and bear it a while




Owl City - Plant Life

Safe.

Come and join me to watch the sun rise,
To watch the full moon.
Join me to go outside running through the wide fields and huge woods.
I'll run until I drop down on the ground, deadly tired.
I'll stay up all night to watch you sleep.
To make sure nothing happens to you.
I won't let anyone hurt you.
And in the morning you'll find me asleep.
Because I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.
You'll find me next to you, really close.
Just because it feels safer and warmer.
And because it would make me sleep better,
Knowing that,
Whenever I wake up,
You'll be there.

Bye Bye Beautiful

Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting




Nightwish - Bye Bye Beautiful

Missing you

I was fine with missing you,
Like that.
Until today,
Until I started missing your presence and your voice...
And I never thought it would be like this one day.
It feels weird.

The past.

This whole situation is giving me a huge deja-vu.
Actually everything that happens lately is giving me huge flasbacks.
What is it that you want from me ?
Stop coming back for a second round, I am not you anymore.

Torn

Still,
I feel torn somehow...
Shattered...
Somehow I feel like,
At this moment,
You can make me or break me...

Smile.

Risking it all,
Just to make you smile,
Just to make you happy.


Not caring about me at all...

Rainbow.

When I first met you,
You colored my heart black and white.
Then I left because I had to choose.
Then I came back and you colored my heart in every single color that the rainbow posesses.
And then the question remains.
Why did you do that?
Our worlds got mixed up together.
And even though we are different,
At some point I just can't say who's me and who's you.

I protect you with my life.
And I wonder,
One day,
If I would start searching for your heart if you would do the same for me.

The point is,
I feel like things are supposed to be this way.
It scares the freak out of me,
Knowing that,
Even though this is what I think,
I might lose you one day,
And someone else takes your heart,
And maybe a big part of your life.
Life I seem to love,
Even though,
I don't feel anything for you at all.


Owl City - Rainbow Veins

Rejection and letting go.

I am looking for reasons,
But I can't find them.
I want to give you a chance,
But I don't think it will make a difference.
I am going to do this,
The way I did it so many times.
I'll tell you how I feel.
And you will tell me you don't feel anything.
I will feel bad, but atleast I will be able to let go then.

Pelgrims.

'Laat ons verder gaan als pelgrims'


Outburst, Xnoizz Flevofestival 2010

Een bedevaart of pelgrimage is een (pelgrims)reis naar een bedevaartsoord die een bijzondere betekenis heeft binnen een religie. Het kan zijn dat de plaats verbonden is met de stichter of een heilige van een religie, of op een andere manier een belangrijke plaats inneemt in de geschiedenis van een religie. Ook kan het een plaats van een openbaring, een verlichting of een religieus bovennatuurlijkwonder zijn.

Redenen voor het ondernemen van een bedevaart zijn om over een hogere waarheid, God of het leven na te denken; om respect te betuigen; om inspiratie te verkrijgen; om tot bezinning te komen; om een poosje afstand te nemen van een hectisch dagelijks bestaan; om 'de ervaring'; 'om er geweest te zijn'; of om andere mensen te ontmoeten.

Bedevaartgangers droegen schelpen of kleine medailles en beeldjes op hun kleding. Goedkope loden of tinnen pelgrimsinsignes, eigenlijk souvenirs, worden bij opgravingen veel teruggevonden. Pelgrims die Jeruzalem bezochten plaatsten een palmtak op hun portretten en ook op hun grafsteen. In Dreischor in Zeeland is een dergelijke steen bekend met een leeg graf, twee palmtakken en een kruis van Jeruzalem.


http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedevaart

The Holy Spirit.

I have seen it with my own eyes.
I have felt it with my own heart.
I was on fire.
The Holy Spirit was there.
You were there!
We danced,
We played music,
We laughed so hard we cried,
We felt everlasting happiness.
Which lasted, even after those two hours we were there.

I just wish,
One day that fire would sprout inside your heart.
That you will be filled with passion.
And you will feel the everlasting happiness.
Your heart will shine and will be filled with love.

Back then...

Your eyes whispered "Have we met?"
Across the room, your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy




Enchanted

Missing you.

It's not that I dislike you or not miss you.
I am trying to do other things and trying to talk less to you.
So I miss you less when you are not there...

.

Kanye West - Love Lockdown

Love.

I'd go to the other side of the world for you.

Steal.

I want to steal your arms,
But I wouldn't want to rip them off your body.
Moreover I would like to steal everything else that is attached to those arms.
For example, the center of your body.

Hiding.

This time I am hiding somewhere...
If you want to find me and talk to me,
You have to search hard.
And even if you have found me, you have to convince me to get out of my hiding place.
Or you could sit down next to me and stick with me.
I need to know it's safe.
If it isn't,
I won't come out.

Argument.

Stop shouting at each other!
I am already sick of my own problems.
Yours aren't making the sickness less.
So go out, and solve it.
Leave me out of this by not making me hear a single thing from your arguments.

Lose control.

The road ahead is going nowhere
Fast the light is red
Looks like i'm gonna crash
I've lost all direction
Right is left and up is down
So here's my soul confession
Right now check it out


I wanna lose control
I'm ready to let go
Call me crazy
I've made up my mind
To kiss the past goodbye
Come and change me

What took so long for me
To let you in
Was i too cool
To let you be my friend
I've given up completely
Everything is upside down
I need your love to lead me
Right now check it out




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMWP0JSthvU

Wish.

Sometimes we get what we wish for,
But not always at the right moment.

In my system.

I am tired of waking up, knowing you are still in my system.
Knowing that I really don't know how to cut you off.
Not knowing when it will happen.
Not knowing how it will happen.
I want to know, I want to hear,
What you think.
One day I might tell you this words.
Maybe it will help, maybe then I will finally be able to cut it off and fully move on.

You belong with me (?/!)

Then why does it still feel like you and I belong together?
We are not together...
And we haven't stolen each others hearts.

And sometimes, yes sometimes it feels like I belong with you.
And you don't belong with me.
I can't figure this out.
So I leave it to a thing called 'time'.
And I hope we will find out one day...
Because I feel like there is no other person that knows how to touch my soul like that.
No-one can, no-one but you.

Learning to forgive...

I remember years ago, when I hated you...
When I would have rather see you die then live...


But then again I feel like,
I should have stopped you,
Before you would have destroyed me and carved lifelong scars in my heart.
I should have saved myself, grabbed my things and should have gone home.
But I didn't
I couldn't.

I wish you could carry half of pain, half of my shame.
So you would know, so you would realize.
And you'd think twice,
To do this to another heart.


I could have called someone and you could have been prosecuted.
But I didn't.
Because I found out too late, what you had actually done to me.
And even then, I would still nothing really happened and that it was all my fault.
The point is, something did happen and I kept feeling ashamed and couldn't figure out why.
Later I realised why.

And now I wonder if those emotions will slowly disappear and be gone,
One day...

Things got better...
And I am still trying to forgive you..
I stopped hating you...
I forgot things, details...
And the pain has gotten less and less in the past years...
But it's not fully gone yet.
I wonder if it will be one day.

You rock.

I don't care what you say or do,
You rock!
Damnit! >.<

Asleep and awake.

I wish we could meet each other in our dreams.
It would mean much to me if we could.
Not that it ever will be enough.
But still, something is better than nothing.

- _ -

And when I say I miss you, I mean it.
I won't tell lies just like that.
Because I do miss you.
And well you probably just won't understand me :/.

Afraid.

I would rather vanish in the air.
Wondering, do you actually care?
Burrying my face in my pillow.
I don't want to see.
And somehow I don't want to know what it means to me.
I am afraid right now.
And I can't tell why.

Fire

Thanks again.
I am on fire :o.
Is that what you wanted? :P

Change or not?

Is that true?
Because I don't feel like changing myself for anyone.
I don't want to be perfect for anyone.
I am as imperfect as I can be.
Accept me the way I am.
I tried to change myself many times into something I am not.
And I got so stuck.
And is it true that I need to give up my own world little by little.
Because I have been living in my own world since I was a little girl.
And I figured out that it's that not going to change.
So tell me, what is it then that I have to do?
What is it that I have to be willing to do when I love someone?

Quiet.

Time passes by.
And I want to speak.
But I am afraid.
So I just keep quiet and don't say a word.

Waste.

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through 'cause I just really want to be with you






Foster the people - Waste

Don't stop

I said don't stop, don't stop, don't stop
Talking to me
Stop don't stop don't stop
Giving me things






Foster the people - Colors at the wall

Nothing but you.

Standing on the balcony.

It's night.

Time passes by, faster than light.

I whisper your name.

And the wind blows your name away.

I search for your face.

And all I see is you.

Only me and you.

All I see is you.

Nothing but you

.

Special.

It's weird,
But it's back again.
I thought I lost it somewhere.
But everytime I think that, it comes back.
To me it's a sign there is something where I can't find the words for to describe it.
No matter what happens, you won't leave me behind.
And well,
All I can say is that it's special.
And that it will stay that way.

Come back?

Come back?
Please?

I kinda miss you when you are not there....
Which would mean I miss you all the time, because you are not really here all the time.
But also that would be ok with me.
If only I could catch a glimpse of you in any other possible way.

And I wonder if there is a single vein in your body that realizes what is going on inside my mind.
But I guess not.
Because guys will be guys.
And girls will be girls.

Something and nothing.

There must be something.
But sometimes I think it's only something and nothing more.
And for me, I guess it's growing inside of me.
And I don't feel like telling you, because I want to wait.
Because I think right now isn't the right moment.
And would mind a rejection at this very moment.
So, I guess I still don't know a thing.

Insane.

Yeah, I will probably be insane...
But to be honest, you make me even more insane xD
Guess this says it all, doesn't it ?

Past.

Reminds of the time,
When your body language and you lied to me.
It felt like I couldn't trust you anymore.

Now I care less and
I guess you had your reasons for not being as clever as I thought you'd be.

Zombie.

They took your heart,
They took your soul,
And now you are out of control.
You don't know where you are.
You don't know where you go.
You don't know where you belong.
All you know is that you have to get to that one person.
That one person who took it all.
Who took your heart and your soul.
That person took your life.
And now you are just a body that's wandering around like a zombie

I miss you.

Missing you so much...
Wanting to talk you so much...
That I start listening to your music...
And for some weird reason, I like your music.
And I find myself in your music...
I wish I knew why...

What I've done.

Sometimes I wonder why You created us.
Because we live, we die.
We build, we destroy.
We love, we hate.
We create diseases and find cures for them.
We make war and try to make peace by doing that.
We destroy nature because of money.

We did all that,
And there is no excuse now.
Because you can see every single effect of the things we did,
You can see what we left.
Sometimes I think we are not worthy to live anymore.

Linkin Park - What I've done

Disappear.

Seems to me, I find you everywhere I go.
I wish you knew.
How much you are still linked to me.
I find you in stories, words, songs and memories.
So please,
I am screaming on the top of my lungs:
Stop haunting me, stop searching me in everything.
Please disappear from my thoughts.
I need to move on.
Totally, this time now.
I need to find myself again, I need to cut you off.
I need to break all links with you.
Because I need to find out who I truely am without you, who I truely was before you without you.

Shoot me.

Now that you have electrified me.
I wish you would shot me.
Right in the heart with an arrow,
Shoot me down like no-one has ever shot me down before.
And I wish I could do the same to you.
I wish I could shoot an arrow in your heart, so deep that you would fall down on your knees.
So deep that we would both go crazy when it comes to each other.
So deep that we both would stop eating and we would both think about each other day and night.

You.

It's weird.
But I would stay up all night.
Just to catch a glimpse of you.
And I wish I was with you.
But I wouldn't ask for that.
Just because it would sound weird.
And maybe that would be too much of asking.
So I'll just wait and see what happens next.
In the mean time I will just wait and talk to you.
To me it feels, like that's all I can do.

It wasn't you.

I guess I finally found the reason for why I felt so empty and incomplete with you.
I guess you weren't the right person for me.
I guess I should find the person who completely fills me up,
The person that keeps me sticking with him/her till the end.
Maybe that's why I know for certain it's not you.

Fighting.

Strike one.
Strike two.
Strike back once.
Strike back twice.
Now we are even.

I wish I was with you.
I would chase you and fight with you until I am tired.
Not fighting to hurt you, but just to mess around.
Why?
Well I liked fooling around with you since the first time I fooled around.
I just hope you remember that first time.

Beijing 2009/2010/2011

Every single moment.

Every single memory made there.

Everyone I met there.

Everything is locked in my heart.

'I'll always look back,

As I walk away,

This memory will last,

For eternity,

And all of our tears will be lost in the rain.'

'Westlife - The queen of my heart'

Evil.

I am not evil.
You make me evil.
And I like it.




















A lot :$

Because of you.

Just remember that I am doing this for you.
You can say whatever you want to say.
But you were the one that cut me off from your life.
And if you want me back in your life, then you should try your very best.
Because I am still believing you don't want me in your life.
If that's the thing, then I am accepting it.
But right now it's like I have to do everything to get you back.
Well let me tell you this, I am not going to do that.
It's not because I dislike you or anything like that,
It was you who cut me off, not me.
And well,
I guess that if you don't respond within now and a few weeks,
I will really cut you off this time.
Because I have to let you go.
This time for the fully 100%.
The biggest part of me already moved on.
And I am not planning to go over this whole thing again.
I need to leave, this time for real.
Because I need to find back myself.
Which I lost, because of you.

My everlasting flower.

I remember you calling me a butterfly.
I liked that nickname.
The meaning behind it was that I got happy when the sun shined.
Now I guess I have discovered another meaning.
Butterflies don't have one flower they stick with and eat the nectar from.
They fly from flower to flower...
And actually I can't stick with one flower either...
It's not that I want to hurt anyone,
It's just that I don't think I have found my everlasting flower yet.
The flower that I stick with until the day I die.

Risk.

As time passes by I wish I started to care less.
And actually, I do care less.
But when it comes to this, I get so damn insecure.
How do you start?
How do you end?
What do you say?
And most of all, will you get hurt or not?
If you look at it closely,
You will find out it is one big cliche.
You want to be close,
But at the same time you would like to run away.
Because you don't know what will happen next.
You are afraid that something will happen, something you don't like.
And just to protect yourself,
You'd rather run away than stay.

But on the other hand, you want to stay.
Because staying right here makes you extremely happy.
And maybe something will happen, something you do like.

You just don't know what willl happen next.
And yes it is a risk you are taking.
But the thing is,
If you'll never try than you'll never know.
And because I always want to know everything,
Because I am curious about everything.
I'd like to take that risk.
And see if it was worth taking it.

Heart.

Makes you feel like flying.
Makes you feel warm inside.
Makes your cheeks blush.
Makes you smile.
Makes you extremely dreamy.
Makes you want to dance and jump.

I guess I lost a part of me, although I am not sure how much.

So that's how it is.

So stop talking.
There is nothing you can do or say to change my mind anyway.
That's just who I am.
And it doesn't matter, I am already in...
Which means I am not getting out soon.
So what do you want to do about it ?

Look at my starsign which says I am a capricorn...
Which means I am kinda stubborn.

So leave me, I already made up my mind.
And only time will tell if I will change it again or not.
So that's how it is.

Easy.

It's always like this.
With something small.
I get attached to someone.
Someone steals either my thoughts or my heart.
And as soon as someone else passes by,
It changes.
I get caught up by someone else.
And you might judge me for being like that.
But I don't think it is going to change any time soon.

Still..

I wonder if there will be someone that can prevent me from doing this.
I am waiting for that person...

An uneven number

You know, that is not the point...
And if you think long and hard, you would know what's the real reason...

Uneven numbers work in science, but in real life between human being, most of the time they don't work...
And especially not in my world...

And I don't think it matters what I say or do,
Because you won't fully see and understand it.

Alone.

'If this is true, I thought then, what will I think?
Will I stay but rather I would get away
I'm scared that I won't find a thing
And afraid that I'll turn out to be alone'

'Krezip - I would stay'

Memories deleted.

Replacing your memories with someone else's memories...
Sounds kinda sick, they change your whole life and no-one notices...

I wonder what would happen if I would do that to myself.
At least I would not recognize your face anymore.
I would not feel sadness when I hang out with you anymore,
Because I would not remember anything.
And you wouldn't have to have anything to feel guilty about anymore.

Empty.

I wish you were still here...
But it feels like you are too far away and I am so sick of being sad.
I don't want to feel like this anymore,
I feel left alone by you, the thought of you makes me damn sad.
The thought of you makes me feel empty.
So that's why I decided.
To leave you alone.
So you can figure it out on your own.
Maybe you will realise it, maybe you won't...
I am not going to repeat myself.
I made this clear.
The rest is up to you.

I don't like you

I don't like you for taking my world.

I don't like you for excluding me.

I don't like you for making other people freak out and for pissing me off.

I don't like you for lying and not being trustworthy.

I don't like you for making me feel alone.

I don't like you for taking over my world.

I don't like you for making me sad.

Desperate

Seek and you will find, they say
but I've been looking everyday
for a way past this wall that's in front of my face.
I'm on hands and knees searching for my faith.

I know there's so much at stake
but I don't know if I can take one more pat on the back saying I'll be okay.
Can't you see me whole life is in disarray?

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate.

I know You're my only hope
The only One who truly knows how it feels, what it's like when it all starts to fall
You're the One I can trust who hears when I call.

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate.

Some things I'll never figure out
Until I let hope erase my doubt.

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand,
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate.

You've got me desperate. (Oh do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQctVDvIFWg

Wrong.

So I tried again, maybe already a zillion times...
To explain you what's going wrong, what's going on...
Which part of you doesn't understand this?
Like I said, do what you say and say what you do...
Think twice before you do something...
I don't expect you to be perfect, but something is wrong and it is really getting out of control.
So please do something, because I start to care less and less about you and my trust in you has faded.

Solution.

And that's the way it is....
I have never missed someone that much...
But I know I will never be able to really love someone else without this problem unsolved...
I am hoping, praying for an answer...
And I am scared, scared to you will get angry...
Scared that things won't be worth it.
I am not sure about what I need to do to solve this..
But I think the answers will come soon enough.
Untill then I will watch the moon when it's full, and remember you.

Harsh, careless and childish

So this is how we are going to do this?
What the... ?
Apparently you don't know the feeling of useless..
Feels it really that good to see people freak out?
Do you want me to make you freak out?
Make some sense here please...
Because this is not something you can just do.
The weird thing about it was, I already knew this before you opened your mouth.
But well I am always trying to trust people and trying to see people as positive as possible...
Maybe I should quit doing that.
Anyway, you have absolutely no idea how other people feel,
What your actions cause...
And you really don't know how pissed I am right now because of this

Angry, happy and damaged

'It's an angry summer.'

That was my worst summer, I got sick and felt depressed...
The memories are still there and the music which makes me feel like dying in the inside.
And then I let you in again and you destroyed my world even further...

A few years later you came and took my heart and showed what real love can be.
Then I left the country and everything changed and I didn't recognize you anymore.
I became scared of you too...
Still you gave me the most joyful memories and I wish I could get them back.
I wish the time before everything went wrong came back...
I really don't know if I still love you, I really don't know what to do.
Are we meant to be, or is there still something else I got to do?
It's like,
No matter who I talk to
No matter who I hug
No matter who I love or fall in love with
I always end up thinking about you and missing our world...

'It was an angry summer'

The summer calmed down and became happier than ever,
Even though I knew back then we would be seperated for almost 9 months...
Then next summer got a little irritated.
Things were different and too much had happened...
Though I was really happy to be with you again, because I had really missed you that 9 months...
Still, everything was damaged...
I tried to fix it, I tried to change myself and I tried to change you...
But people are who they are, you have to accept them the way they are...
And if you don't, you will end up feeling like you have to do the impossible...
Later, everything started to break and crumble down...
Still, I tried my hardest to fix everything...
Then we decided on leaving each other alone for a while...
And I started to miss you again, my feelings were getting stronger and stronger....
Back then I didn't know your love was missing in your heart...
And you couldn't see it and put it into words...
Then you weren't clear and I misunderstood...
In the end I couldn't stand being without you, because I loved you and I felt like I needed you...
You were my buddy..
When I told you that I couldn't stand it any longer, you just got so pissed...
You told me you had already made a promise to yourself that if I would contact you, you would leave...
I still don't understand why you never told me that, before everything collapsed...
Then everything exploded and I lost you..
And I could not defend you any longer, I could not deny who you were any longer...
Maybe you were pissed back then, but I was just telling the truth, I was just telling how I thought things were..
Still, I never ever did anything to harm you on purpose...
Maybe one day, you will read this and we can talk, without fighting or argueing...
Just calm...
I just wished I'd had the guts to call you or message you...

Sorry.

I swore to protect you and heal your wounds.
I promised to never hurt you and be honest with you always.
I broke all my promises and hurted you more than ever.
I am waiting for the day I can apologise to you.
Tell you how much I am sorry for what I did.

Something I can never have.

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart

In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading reminder of who I used to be


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEVOVN24R08&feature=related

Powerless

And I stumble and fall on my knees...
Crying out, no power left to stand.
I wish I knew what to do.
I miss the world of me and you.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZuskwmcQGg&feature=related

I'm so sick.

I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

I'm so sick
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so
I'm so sick
I'm so
I'm so sick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw

Leaving.

I see the world crumble down around you.
And I want to catch your fall, but this time I won't be there at all.
You need to fight your fight on your own.

Everytime I reached for your hands, you ran away.
Everytime you needed me, it was me who found out you needed me.
It wasn't you who told me, you needed me.
I simply gave myself, because I cared about you.

And I know it is harsh to leave you alone.
But I need you to know how it feels to lose people.
I hope that one morning you'll wake up and realise you have been left alone.
It will be at that very moment, you will realise some people really cared about you.
Some people needed you.
But well, I warned you a zillion times.
And I know you are glad you've got us, but please look a little closer.
Do you still have us?
Because we are slowling leaving, walking out, letting go of you.
Just because we don't think there's much left to do.
If you want to show us you really care, then you should wake up and start thinking.
And start acting like you should.
Say what you do and do what you say.

Wolf.

I miss you so much.
You took my most precious things away.
I feel it every day.
I want to tell you how much I am sorry.
It hurts me so much to see how much I hurted you.
I really don't know what to do.
I am afraid, to make the wrong decisions again.
And I don't want to argue with you anymore.
I just want to make the right decisions,
All I want is happiness for both of us.
Until the day I know the answer to my questions,
Until that day I will think of you when the full moon appears.
I won't howl anymore.
But I do hope you haven't forgot about me.

Say what you do and do what you say

Somebody please show me,
You are not worth it.
You are not honest.
You are not who I think you are.
My image is wrong.
I want to lose you.
My thoughts, everything about you.
I want to forget it right here, right now.
Because you are not who I think you are.
Because you are different and you don't care.
If you really care then you would,
Say what you do and do what you say.
But it doesn't matter anyway,
Because you're not like that.

.

With a broken heart I walked out of the room, out of the house...
Complete confused.
Who are you?
I was wondering...
I know something bad just happened.
Because I felt sadness, guilt and shame.
I can't turn this thing around you said.
You could have asked me how I felt.
It was your duty as my boyfriend...
But you didn't...
You only cared about what you wanted..
You were the one that signed the rest of my love life and everything about love...
You weren't a good example of true love...
Still I believed that at that moment...
And I wonder how long this thing will be hanging around in my head.
It has been almost 5 years...
And because of everything I don't remember everything anymore...

Black.

You have damaged me more than everyone else ever did.
But still I want to forgive you.
And sometimes I feel like I never got over that one time, over you....
I don't understand.
I really don't.
I just know that sometimes I still think back to those times...
And I hope you changed into the person I hoped you was...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scDdiHIP4ag&feature=share

Owl City

I get lost for words,
When I lose myself in your tones,
Your world,
Your words,
Your face,
Brought to me by someone really special.

I really can't wait to see you performing on stage for real.
I would be so damn happy<3 :D
My heart loves your music<3

Insane.

What do you think?
No I am not ok...
And I wonder if I will ever be...
But seriously, you are driving me insane.
And it's got to end.

Fire and Ice.

You run away
You hide away
To the other side of the universe
Where you're safe from all that hunts you down
But the world has gone
Where you belong 
And it feels to late so you're moving on



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbHYl1_aqT4

Lost.

-BANG!-

There it was,
Back again.
I thought everything was over, but I couldn't have been more wrong.
Moreover, people are irreplaceable.
So you can't be replaced with someone else either.
And at that point I started missing you again.
I wonder when I will ever find my way back home again.
Because right now I am a little bit lost.
I am lost in a fire that warms me,
And yet sometimes burns me.
I wish that the rain would stop the fire,
And the moon and stars would light my way back home.

Worried.

Yes, I was worried sick about you.
Worried, that something happened to you.
Or that you would have done something to yourself...
Anyway, I am glad that we went there and that nothing happened to you.
But ehr, weirdo?
Please turn on your phone next time :o.

Ehr...

I don't know when I will see the end of this road.
I just know that I am at the 'start place' again.
I don't quite understand.
All I know is:
I less three you . . .

Paranoid.

Walking around like a zombie.
I am dizzy and the whole world is spinning in front of my eyes.
And I don't understand.
They talk in an unknown language.
Then all of the sudden,
I fall.
I collapse.
And I don't feel anything anymore.
The dizzy feeling is gone.
And so is the world around me.
I feel like I am dreaming.
And I am not sure if I'll ever wake up.

My heart. Captured in your bottle.

Can you see it when I walk around?
Can you see it when I look you straight into the eyes.
Do you notice when I talk to you?
Maybe it's just me,
But I don't think you have a clue.

And I wonder why I am still taken.
Why do you still have something that's mine,
Captured in your strong glass hands?
You have my most precious thing,
And you carry it around every day and night.

But I still think you don't have a clue.
And I don't have a clue,
When I am getting my own thing back.
So still, only time will tell...

Unknown.

And again it hurts to see this things happening.
Not knowing if you are breaking or not breaking,
Not knowing if you are included or excluded.
And worrying about you all the time.
Worrying about the same things over and over.
Not wanting to hurt anyone.
And especially not you.
And after all this time,
I still don't understand.
But I guess only time will tell,
What's going to happen.

Second home.

I can't stand the fact that my memories are being changed.
Just like that...
Your place was like a second home to me.
And now it's about to disappear.
It hurts me so much to see everything changing all of the sudden.
I hate this feeling that burns inside my heart.
That feeling I can't cope with. 
My whole being says NO.
You can't go.
You can't leave.
If you leave, my world will change.
That place will change.
Our world will change.
That place was ours together with the flying being(s) that lives/lived there....
And I was there...
Some weeks night and day, day and night...
It will take some time to get used to the new situation.
I don't want to think about it.
Because thinking about it makes me cry.
Thinking about it makes me feel guilty.
Because lately I wasn't there that often...
And my whole being says this is wrong,
This is not something that is supposed to happen,
I can't be true...
It feels unhuman,
Somehow.

Uncertain.

I am not sure anymore...
And even if you would say those words...
I would still be uncertain, I don't believe in anything of it right now.
Though I want to.
I wish your veins felt the things I felt.
A zillion times.
Everyone wants to have their own world.
Everyone wants to be loved.
Everyone wants to feel like they are part of something bigger.
I never really felt this need so much.
But now it's more than ever.
And I have to find the strength to talk and trust.
Because in one second it was all wiped away.
And I felt crushed.
Because I don't want to lose anyone.
Anyone that's important to me...

No denial.

Your face
Your eyes
Your scent
Your touch
Your voice
Your words

I can deny every single thing.
But everything tells me,
You still hold my heart,
Inside your weird hands.

Although I am slowly letting go,
I still love your presence and everything else...
About you.
And you are growing stronger by the day.
I disliked you for your weakness.
The point is, I love you for your strength.
And even though every single inside of me is weaker by the day,
I still wonder when the remains will disappear.

No harm.

And I miss you so much.
But I am not sure if you are real
If you are still there.
I still love you as a friend.
I hope one day, you come back.
And realise I never really meant to harm you.
I didn't do anything on purpose lately,
To make you feel bad,
And to make you sad.
I hope one day you realise what you are doing yourself.
Anyway, I might stop talking to you from now on.
Don't take it personally.

The past and the present.

So here we are.
And I don't understand.
So tell me,
Why don't you speak up?
And why do you blame afterwards?
And you blended in.
And now you are blaming me, for??
I have always been there and my ways are not going to change.
If I care about people, then I care about them.
If that means that I will treat them in my own ways,
Then, well, that's me then...
I really don't understand what's wrong with that...
No-one can change the past.
Some people had their own world.
And that world still exists somehow.
If that effects today,
Then that's your own fault.
And not mine...

The wall.

Sometimes,
I really wonder if you are out there...
Do you care?
Do you understand?
What true lonelines means?
To me, sometimes it doesn't matter whether I am alone or with someone else.
I would still feel lonely.
And I don't think you understand how it feels.


But if you want to build that wall,
If you want to keep it around you.
If you want to speak up and tell others that you have that wall.
Well, then the wall says it all.
Then you don't care about me or others...

The answer to the question you never asked me.

Why was I so caught up and so hurted?

Firstly, if you wanna know something about me, ask me instead of 1 of my best friends.
Answer:
-If you leave me alone and hurt me, it will hurt me 10 times harder than it will hurt you.
-If you leave me&hurt me like that, you will damage my trust in you.
So yes, thinking before acting is better. Better luck next time. I hope these things will cross your mind. 

Don't mistake me for you.
I am NOT you. 

We are different, in case you didn't notice yet.

Saving me.

I remember the moment you threw me on the ground and killed me.
You weren't there to save me when I needed you...
I guess you didn't know me back then.
You didn't know anything about my heart and my life.
You just broke me and did not think about me.
Afterwards I explained you how I felt back then.
You were stunned, because you didn't expect that I would feel this way..
This hurted...
Because you didn't know me...
Somehow I wish we would have never met...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQiEs32SqQ

=]

Yesterday's pain will fly away.
While today is still here,
And tomorrow is on it's way.

And I have seen everything changing so much lately.
Because of that,
I feel so much better now.
=]

Addiction

I know you.
I know you way too well.
And somehow I knew this was going to happen.
And also,
I know way too well,
That is not going to end any time soon.

Lock.

You made me smile.
You made me shine and glow on the inside and on the outside.
And that smile will stay.
But the shine and the glow just died.
And I know a part of me is out of reach.
You can't take my heart.
And I know you don't make me glow anymore.
Because I feel a lock when I look you in the eyes.
A lock on my heart.
A lock that forbids me to feel anything when you are around.
Yes, I still really appreciate your company.
But I don't want to feel something,
That has no meaning at all...

And I can't hate you.
And I don't want to stop caring about you.
But that's slowly slipping away.
And I feel like there is nothing I can do...

Forbidden.

No!
It is forbidden to speak.
It is forbidden to move.
It is forbidden to think and feel.
It is forbidden to hold on..
...
But the more you think of it...
This will only make you hold on even more...
And if you are doing one of the above, then you are also holding on...

Soooo,
What do you do when you are letting go then?

 

 

Empty.

You destroyed the burning fire inside of me.
It might be better this way.

You created an empty world inside of me.
I think it's better that I stopped running away.
And just told you the truth.
So you know.

But still,
It's not like,
I hate you...
I hate myself for that.

Same time: 03:30 ...

Same time...
Different setting...
Without you...
Without awkwardness...

But still,
I wish you were here...

Just tonight.

Here we are and I can't think from all the pills right
Start the car and take me home
Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say
Start the car and take me home

Just tonight I will stay
And we'll throw it all away
When the light hits your eyes
It's telling me I'm right
And if I, I am through
And it's all because of you
Just tonight

Here I am and I can't seem to see straight
But I'm too numb to feel right now
Here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time
I'm too numb to feel right now

Just tonight I will stay
And we'll throw it all away
When the light hits your eyes
It's telling me I'm right
And if I, I am through
And it's all because of you
Just tonight

Do you understand who I am?
Do you wanna know?
Can you really see through me now?
I am about to go

Just tonight I won't leave
And I'll lie and you'll believe
Just tonight I will see
It's all because of me

Just tonight I will stay
And we'll throw it all away
When the light hits your eyes
It's telling me I'm right
And if I, I am through
And it's all because of you
Just tonight

(Do you understand who I am?)
It's all because of you
Just tonight
(Do you understand who I am?)
It's all because of you
Just tonight
(Do you understand who I am?)
It's all because of you
Just tonight


http://www.aimini.net/view/?fid=SuelvLXwZNYUxbjIWTtF

Still alive.

We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!

Wash away.

Let the rain wash away the sorrow of yesterday.
Let the rain wash away my fear.
Let the rain wash away my fire that is not supposed to be here.
Let the rain wash away my tears.
You are not here to wipe them away.

Time.

And I don't know why....

The only thing I do know,
That sometimes I wish you would disappear...
Because they say time solves everything.
But there is no time.
And I have no patience at all...

Locked.

I know I need to...
But I don't know how...

And somehow I wish you were here,
So I could talk to you.
So you could tell me,
What you are doing is wrong.
And I know I have been doing it wrong all along.
But I can't seem to find another way.

And I know my chances pass me.
But I don't have the courage to speak.
And I want to be honest and I want to say it all.
But I can't.

It's like,
If I open more to you,
I will fall even harder.
I know every locked emotion, will be unlocked.
And there is nothing I can do about that.
I locked my words deep inside my heart.

One day I will open up to you.
And I will talk to you.
After you promised me.
That you are not going to hurt me again.
That you won't say things to me, that you already said.
Because I already know them,
Because they already hurt...

Trust.

I know you will stick around.
I know you won't walk away.

But I keep wondering why.
Why did you leave me standing there.
Why did you leave me behind,
Wondering,
Thinking,
Asking myself...
How the hell did this happen??

Don't you know that my trust dies little by little.
Every time someone walks away.
Leaving me promises.
And breaking them right after.
Leaving me doubting,
What's real and what's not.
Because sometimes I don't know what is right and what is wrong...
And I am having a hard time believing in good things,
Believing in people's good intentions...

I should try to talk to you.
And allow you to get to know me a little bit better...
I am sure it will make you understand me a little bit better...

Questions and answers.

Questions with no answers.
Answers with no questions.

Because every answer you did not ask for,
Will always come sooner than you want to.

And every answer you did ask for,
Will come slowly,
And will probably pop up when you stopped thinking about it.

From sunrise to sundown...

My mind froze,
For a few seconds...

When the beautiful blue sky,
Caught my eyes.

And as I sat down,
I enjoyed the warm sunlight,
Warming every single vein in my body.
And I kept on watching,
Until the sun went down.

When the moon rose,
And showed her virginly light,
I felt like running.

I ran like,
I had never run before.

Because it was the full moon that I saw in the sky,
I felt like howling,
Like a wolf.

And afterwards,
I felt exhausted.

I lay down on the ground.
The shadows of the trees,
Covered my whole body,
Like a blanket.

The sound of the wind,
Moving the leaves,
In the trees,
Sang me to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning,
The world around me,
Was forever changed.

I miss you..

I start to understand your words more and more.
And I am learning more and more every day...
I just wish I could tell you I do.
And every day,
I search for your face.
And every day I don't see,
A single trace of you.
I miss your voice.
I miss your face.
And your smile...

Anywhere.

Ask me to join you to anywhere.
I would follow you anywhere.
If you'd ask me to.

Because I love the things you do.
Because I love the places you go.

Somehow I know,
I won't be able to say 'no' to you.

I wish I knew

Your heart is still connected to everything I do or say.
And I still remember all those memories.
But with me banned from your life,
All those memories seem so far away.
And I wish I could talk to you.
But I can't.
So I don't really know what to do...

Not my memory

I was not there.
That was not my memory.
That was not my face.
This was not my place.
That was not your face.
That was not my body.
Those were not my lips.
That was not our reflection in the curtains at my place.
Those were not my colours and your scent,
Spread out on my pillows.

It must have been someone else's memory.
Someone must have told me something,
And I must have remembered it as a memory of my own.

:X

I love the way you make every single mistake.
I love your imperfections.

I can't hate you for them.
I can't blame you for them.

Because I love every single thing about you.
The good and the bad things.

Stranger.

I will do this.
I just hope it will work.
I just hope something will change.
Because last times, nothing really changed...

It has been going on for way too long.
And I know if I don't do something now,
Things could get even worse than they already are.

I hope you will understand me,
Stranger.
I hope you will accept me and take me serious.
I hope together we will find out,
Where did it go wrong?

Nothing.

I go left.
I go right.
And nothing happens.
And I want to say something.
But it won't matter a single thing.
My words are stuck between my heart and my head.
Problem is, I have no control over anything.
I wish I could take back control.
And do whatever I want.
I wonder when everything will turn back to normal.
Because I am so damn sick,
Of everything.

You don't know.

You know my name.
But you barely know me on the inside.
You don't know my past.
And you barely know my present.

Then how come,
You are not more careful,
With what you do and say.
I don't understand.

Anyway.
You're out.
Cheated.
And I am taking back control.

/ - \

I am sorry I left you alone.
I am sorry I wasn't there.
I can't be there anymore.
I can't give anymore.
Because I have already given myself away.
And I am taking myself back.
I am taking back my heart.
Because I feel like it doesn't belong with you.

The Holy Spirit

I want to see your heart on fire.
I want to see your heart overflowing with emotions.
I want to see every locked tear of you break free.
I want to see your spirit burning with passion.
I want to see your heart filled with joy.
I want to see you filled with happiness, dancing till you drop.

The Holy Spirit will fill your heart with fire,
Fill it with joy and happiness.
Make your heart overflow with emotions.
And make your spirit burn with passion.
The Holy Spirit will make you dance,
Like you have never danced before.
Will make you laugh, like you have never laughed before.
And it will make you long for more.
More love.
More happiness.
&
More passion.

It burns

I wish there was something positive to recieve.
But there is not.
I can't see anything positive here.
And everytime I see words,
Your words,
Your ways,
Your things,
Everything that's yours or about you.
Something pulls me back in.
Something breaks and something burns.
Something good appears and something bad appears.

And it breaks.
And it burns.
I hate it.
But I can't hate you.

Questioning.

Come on and get out.
You should not be doing this.
You should work on your future.
You should work on yourself.
And you should pay more attention to the ones around you.
The ones that care about you.

Why are you so caught up with this?
It's not worth it.
It really isn't.
You should know.
I think you know.
But you just can't let it go,
Can you?

In a world like yours.
Your mind is something rare.
Because no-one seems to really understand it.

You should care more for yourself.
Instead of others.
Why are you always giving yourself away?
When others aren't intending to stay.
When some people are only there.
Because they are there.
And afterwards you are lost and alone again.
Just like before.

You should seek some help.
You should look for that person,
Who can help you out.
Because they,
Can't help you.

Freedom.

And the only sounds were the birds that were singing.
It was so beautiful.
Even though the remembered memories were not pretty at all.
I hope we all realise.
That freedom is a gift.
Not something that usual, or normal.
And I know freedom is here.
But I can't help think,
What if freedom wasn't here?
What if war and death ruled our country?
I wonder how our world would be.
Without freedom.

The sound of the church

And even now I think.
Why would a little child be afraid of the bells of the church.
I still don't understand...
But when I was younger,
That sounds gave me the creeps.
I was so damn scared.
And now something in me recalls that memory.
While hearing it again.
And I still don't understand.

Sorry ..

The truth is:
I am not angry.
I don't hate you.
It's just,
I am imperfect as hell...
I am truly sorry if I did anything to upset you..

Not perfect.

Here are my hands,
They are empty.
Here is my body,
It's not perfect.
Here is my heart,
It's a little damaged
And I think it looks awful.
Here is my mind,
No-one really understand what's on my mind.
Not even you.
I don't like it.
But I accept it.
Because I will find someone who will understand it someday.
So that doesn't matter to me.
What does matter,
Is that you understand that I don't hate you.
That I am always slightly afraid.
For so many things.
No-one would notice,
But I know I am.
I am crazy.
Out of my mind.
Emotional.
Sensitive.
And negative as hell.

But I want you to know,
That I don't recognize you, because of the things you do.
I will recognize you, because of the way you may make me feel.
Doesn't matter if it's good or bad.
Because I know them both.
But I can't feel them both at the same time.
That's simply impossible.
That's why I can't see anything positive, when all I feel is negatieve.

Fiction or truth ?

I am writing your words.
I am writing your letters and sentences.
On a piece of paper.

And I don't know what I am doing here.
I don't know where I am.
It's like I am lost in my truth and fiction.

My soul doesn't know anymore.
I don't know the difference between the truth.
And my own fiction.

And I don't know why I am still bound by my past.
I don't know what it is that I have to do.
To change who I am.

And I don't know why every whisper tells me,
That I don't belong here.

Then where do I belong?

Vanished.

And I drowned in your arms that night. Everything felt perfect and warm.
And our movements vanished in the air and were taken by wind.
Like nothing ever happened.
The day after I was wondering, was it all a dream? I guess it was.

Forgive, proces and let go.

I know that's my world.
And I know at first, I would rather so you dead.
Than alive.
I wanted something,
Someone,
Take you deep into the ground,
And make you bleed,
So much,
You would beg for mercy.

But I just can't think that way anymore.
I want to forgive you.
Even though that means,
I have to forgive myself first.
Because I have never forgiven myself for that night.
For that time.

I know you changed...
I just hope you really see,
The pain,
And memories that still live in me.

It has been 4 and a half year now....
And all I want to do,
Is proces everything,
And move on.

You decide

Fiction and reality collide.
Faceless and so busted up inside.
You've been searching you've been crying out.
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?


You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life.
You decide

God is calling out to you again.
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in.
From the fear that swallows up for your life.
Will you stay the same or will you fight?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1P1t7sp7m3g&feature=fvwrel

Unbreakable.

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me.
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light.
They'll return but I'll be stronger.


God, I want to dream again.
Take me where I've never been.
I want to go there.
This time I'm not scared.
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable,
No one can touch me,
Nothing can stop me.


Sometimes it's hard to just keep going,
But faith is moving without knowing.
Can I trust what I can't see?
To reach my destiny?
I want to take control but I know better.








Forget the fear it's just a crutch,
That tries to hold you back,
And turn your dreams to dust,
All you need to do is just trust.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umVl0Mb7CsU