Forgive, proces and let go.

I know that's my world.
And I know at first, I would rather so you dead.
Than alive.
I wanted something,
Someone,
Take you deep into the ground,
And make you bleed,
So much,
You would beg for mercy.

But I just can't think that way anymore.
I want to forgive you.
Even though that means,
I have to forgive myself first.
Because I have never forgiven myself for that night.
For that time.

I know you changed...
I just hope you really see,
The pain,
And memories that still live in me.

It has been 4 and a half year now....
And all I want to do,
Is proces everything,
And move on.