Angry, happy and damaged

'It's an angry summer.'

That was my worst summer, I got sick and felt depressed...
The memories are still there and the music which makes me feel like dying in the inside.
And then I let you in again and you destroyed my world even further...

A few years later you came and took my heart and showed what real love can be.
Then I left the country and everything changed and I didn't recognize you anymore.
I became scared of you too...
Still you gave me the most joyful memories and I wish I could get them back.
I wish the time before everything went wrong came back...
I really don't know if I still love you, I really don't know what to do.
Are we meant to be, or is there still something else I got to do?
It's like,
No matter who I talk to
No matter who I hug
No matter who I love or fall in love with
I always end up thinking about you and missing our world...

'It was an angry summer'

The summer calmed down and became happier than ever,
Even though I knew back then we would be seperated for almost 9 months...
Then next summer got a little irritated.
Things were different and too much had happened...
Though I was really happy to be with you again, because I had really missed you that 9 months...
Still, everything was damaged...
I tried to fix it, I tried to change myself and I tried to change you...
But people are who they are, you have to accept them the way they are...
And if you don't, you will end up feeling like you have to do the impossible...
Later, everything started to break and crumble down...
Still, I tried my hardest to fix everything...
Then we decided on leaving each other alone for a while...
And I started to miss you again, my feelings were getting stronger and stronger....
Back then I didn't know your love was missing in your heart...
And you couldn't see it and put it into words...
Then you weren't clear and I misunderstood...
In the end I couldn't stand being without you, because I loved you and I felt like I needed you...
You were my buddy..
When I told you that I couldn't stand it any longer, you just got so pissed...
You told me you had already made a promise to yourself that if I would contact you, you would leave...
I still don't understand why you never told me that, before everything collapsed...
Then everything exploded and I lost you..
And I could not defend you any longer, I could not deny who you were any longer...
Maybe you were pissed back then, but I was just telling the truth, I was just telling how I thought things were..
Still, I never ever did anything to harm you on purpose...
Maybe one day, you will read this and we can talk, without fighting or argueing...
Just calm...
I just wished I'd had the guts to call you or message you...