Torn

Still,
I feel torn somehow...
Shattered...
Somehow I feel like,
At this moment,
You can make me or break me...

Smile.

Risking it all,
Just to make you smile,
Just to make you happy.


Not caring about me at all...

Rainbow.

When I first met you,
You colored my heart black and white.
Then I left because I had to choose.
Then I came back and you colored my heart in every single color that the rainbow posesses.
And then the question remains.
Why did you do that?
Our worlds got mixed up together.
And even though we are different,
At some point I just can't say who's me and who's you.

I protect you with my life.
And I wonder,
One day,
If I would start searching for your heart if you would do the same for me.

The point is,
I feel like things are supposed to be this way.
It scares the freak out of me,
Knowing that,
Even though this is what I think,
I might lose you one day,
And someone else takes your heart,
And maybe a big part of your life.
Life I seem to love,
Even though,
I don't feel anything for you at all.


Owl City - Rainbow Veins

Rejection and letting go.

I am looking for reasons,
But I can't find them.
I want to give you a chance,
But I don't think it will make a difference.
I am going to do this,
The way I did it so many times.
I'll tell you how I feel.
And you will tell me you don't feel anything.
I will feel bad, but atleast I will be able to let go then.

Pelgrims.

'Laat ons verder gaan als pelgrims'


Outburst, Xnoizz Flevofestival 2010

Een bedevaart of pelgrimage is een (pelgrims)reis naar een bedevaartsoord die een bijzondere betekenis heeft binnen een religie. Het kan zijn dat de plaats verbonden is met de stichter of een heilige van een religie, of op een andere manier een belangrijke plaats inneemt in de geschiedenis van een religie. Ook kan het een plaats van een openbaring, een verlichting of een religieus bovennatuurlijkwonder zijn.

Redenen voor het ondernemen van een bedevaart zijn om over een hogere waarheid, God of het leven na te denken; om respect te betuigen; om inspiratie te verkrijgen; om tot bezinning te komen; om een poosje afstand te nemen van een hectisch dagelijks bestaan; om 'de ervaring'; 'om er geweest te zijn'; of om andere mensen te ontmoeten.

Bedevaartgangers droegen schelpen of kleine medailles en beeldjes op hun kleding. Goedkope loden of tinnen pelgrimsinsignes, eigenlijk souvenirs, worden bij opgravingen veel teruggevonden. Pelgrims die Jeruzalem bezochten plaatsten een palmtak op hun portretten en ook op hun grafsteen. In Dreischor in Zeeland is een dergelijke steen bekend met een leeg graf, twee palmtakken en een kruis van Jeruzalem.


http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedevaart

The Holy Spirit.

I have seen it with my own eyes.
I have felt it with my own heart.
I was on fire.
The Holy Spirit was there.
You were there!
We danced,
We played music,
We laughed so hard we cried,
We felt everlasting happiness.
Which lasted, even after those two hours we were there.

I just wish,
One day that fire would sprout inside your heart.
That you will be filled with passion.
And you will feel the everlasting happiness.
Your heart will shine and will be filled with love.

Back then...

Your eyes whispered "Have we met?"
Across the room, your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy




Enchanted

Missing you.

It's not that I dislike you or not miss you.
I am trying to do other things and trying to talk less to you.
So I miss you less when you are not there...

.

Kanye West - Love Lockdown

Love.

I'd go to the other side of the world for you.

Steal.

I want to steal your arms,
But I wouldn't want to rip them off your body.
Moreover I would like to steal everything else that is attached to those arms.
For example, the center of your body.

Hiding.

This time I am hiding somewhere...
If you want to find me and talk to me,
You have to search hard.
And even if you have found me, you have to convince me to get out of my hiding place.
Or you could sit down next to me and stick with me.
I need to know it's safe.
If it isn't,
I won't come out.

Argument.

Stop shouting at each other!
I am already sick of my own problems.
Yours aren't making the sickness less.
So go out, and solve it.
Leave me out of this by not making me hear a single thing from your arguments.

Lose control.

The road ahead is going nowhere
Fast the light is red
Looks like i'm gonna crash
I've lost all direction
Right is left and up is down
So here's my soul confession
Right now check it out


I wanna lose control
I'm ready to let go
Call me crazy
I've made up my mind
To kiss the past goodbye
Come and change me

What took so long for me
To let you in
Was i too cool
To let you be my friend
I've given up completely
Everything is upside down
I need your love to lead me
Right now check it out




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMWP0JSthvU

Wish.

Sometimes we get what we wish for,
But not always at the right moment.

In my system.

I am tired of waking up, knowing you are still in my system.
Knowing that I really don't know how to cut you off.
Not knowing when it will happen.
Not knowing how it will happen.
I want to know, I want to hear,
What you think.
One day I might tell you this words.
Maybe it will help, maybe then I will finally be able to cut it off and fully move on.

You belong with me (?/!)

Then why does it still feel like you and I belong together?
We are not together...
And we haven't stolen each others hearts.

And sometimes, yes sometimes it feels like I belong with you.
And you don't belong with me.
I can't figure this out.
So I leave it to a thing called 'time'.
And I hope we will find out one day...
Because I feel like there is no other person that knows how to touch my soul like that.
No-one can, no-one but you.

Learning to forgive...

I remember years ago, when I hated you...
When I would have rather see you die then live...


But then again I feel like,
I should have stopped you,
Before you would have destroyed me and carved lifelong scars in my heart.
I should have saved myself, grabbed my things and should have gone home.
But I didn't
I couldn't.

I wish you could carry half of pain, half of my shame.
So you would know, so you would realize.
And you'd think twice,
To do this to another heart.


I could have called someone and you could have been prosecuted.
But I didn't.
Because I found out too late, what you had actually done to me.
And even then, I would still nothing really happened and that it was all my fault.
The point is, something did happen and I kept feeling ashamed and couldn't figure out why.
Later I realised why.

And now I wonder if those emotions will slowly disappear and be gone,
One day...

Things got better...
And I am still trying to forgive you..
I stopped hating you...
I forgot things, details...
And the pain has gotten less and less in the past years...
But it's not fully gone yet.
I wonder if it will be one day.

You rock.

I don't care what you say or do,
You rock!
Damnit! >.<

Asleep and awake.

I wish we could meet each other in our dreams.
It would mean much to me if we could.
Not that it ever will be enough.
But still, something is better than nothing.

- _ -

And when I say I miss you, I mean it.
I won't tell lies just like that.
Because I do miss you.
And well you probably just won't understand me :/.

Afraid.

I would rather vanish in the air.
Wondering, do you actually care?
Burrying my face in my pillow.
I don't want to see.
And somehow I don't want to know what it means to me.
I am afraid right now.
And I can't tell why.

Fire

Thanks again.
I am on fire :o.
Is that what you wanted? :P

Change or not?

Is that true?
Because I don't feel like changing myself for anyone.
I don't want to be perfect for anyone.
I am as imperfect as I can be.
Accept me the way I am.
I tried to change myself many times into something I am not.
And I got so stuck.
And is it true that I need to give up my own world little by little.
Because I have been living in my own world since I was a little girl.
And I figured out that it's that not going to change.
So tell me, what is it then that I have to do?
What is it that I have to be willing to do when I love someone?

Quiet.

Time passes by.
And I want to speak.
But I am afraid.
So I just keep quiet and don't say a word.

Waste.

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through 'cause I just really want to be with you






Foster the people - Waste

Don't stop

I said don't stop, don't stop, don't stop
Talking to me
Stop don't stop don't stop
Giving me things






Foster the people - Colors at the wall

Nothing but you.

Standing on the balcony.

It's night.

Time passes by, faster than light.

I whisper your name.

And the wind blows your name away.

I search for your face.

And all I see is you.

Only me and you.

All I see is you.

Nothing but you

.

Special.

It's weird,
But it's back again.
I thought I lost it somewhere.
But everytime I think that, it comes back.
To me it's a sign there is something where I can't find the words for to describe it.
No matter what happens, you won't leave me behind.
And well,
All I can say is that it's special.
And that it will stay that way.

Come back?

Come back?
Please?

I kinda miss you when you are not there....
Which would mean I miss you all the time, because you are not really here all the time.
But also that would be ok with me.
If only I could catch a glimpse of you in any other possible way.

And I wonder if there is a single vein in your body that realizes what is going on inside my mind.
But I guess not.
Because guys will be guys.
And girls will be girls.

Something and nothing.

There must be something.
But sometimes I think it's only something and nothing more.
And for me, I guess it's growing inside of me.
And I don't feel like telling you, because I want to wait.
Because I think right now isn't the right moment.
And would mind a rejection at this very moment.
So, I guess I still don't know a thing.

Insane.

Yeah, I will probably be insane...
But to be honest, you make me even more insane xD
Guess this says it all, doesn't it ?

Past.

Reminds of the time,
When your body language and you lied to me.
It felt like I couldn't trust you anymore.

Now I care less and
I guess you had your reasons for not being as clever as I thought you'd be.

Zombie.

They took your heart,
They took your soul,
And now you are out of control.
You don't know where you are.
You don't know where you go.
You don't know where you belong.
All you know is that you have to get to that one person.
That one person who took it all.
Who took your heart and your soul.
That person took your life.
And now you are just a body that's wandering around like a zombie

I miss you.

Missing you so much...
Wanting to talk you so much...
That I start listening to your music...
And for some weird reason, I like your music.
And I find myself in your music...
I wish I knew why...

What I've done.

Sometimes I wonder why You created us.
Because we live, we die.
We build, we destroy.
We love, we hate.
We create diseases and find cures for them.
We make war and try to make peace by doing that.
We destroy nature because of money.

We did all that,
And there is no excuse now.
Because you can see every single effect of the things we did,
You can see what we left.
Sometimes I think we are not worthy to live anymore.

Linkin Park - What I've done

Disappear.

Seems to me, I find you everywhere I go.
I wish you knew.
How much you are still linked to me.
I find you in stories, words, songs and memories.
So please,
I am screaming on the top of my lungs:
Stop haunting me, stop searching me in everything.
Please disappear from my thoughts.
I need to move on.
Totally, this time now.
I need to find myself again, I need to cut you off.
I need to break all links with you.
Because I need to find out who I truely am without you, who I truely was before you without you.

Shoot me.

Now that you have electrified me.
I wish you would shot me.
Right in the heart with an arrow,
Shoot me down like no-one has ever shot me down before.
And I wish I could do the same to you.
I wish I could shoot an arrow in your heart, so deep that you would fall down on your knees.
So deep that we would both go crazy when it comes to each other.
So deep that we both would stop eating and we would both think about each other day and night.

You.

It's weird.
But I would stay up all night.
Just to catch a glimpse of you.
And I wish I was with you.
But I wouldn't ask for that.
Just because it would sound weird.
And maybe that would be too much of asking.
So I'll just wait and see what happens next.
In the mean time I will just wait and talk to you.
To me it feels, like that's all I can do.

It wasn't you.

I guess I finally found the reason for why I felt so empty and incomplete with you.
I guess you weren't the right person for me.
I guess I should find the person who completely fills me up,
The person that keeps me sticking with him/her till the end.
Maybe that's why I know for certain it's not you.

Fighting.

Strike one.
Strike two.
Strike back once.
Strike back twice.
Now we are even.

I wish I was with you.
I would chase you and fight with you until I am tired.
Not fighting to hurt you, but just to mess around.
Why?
Well I liked fooling around with you since the first time I fooled around.
I just hope you remember that first time.

Beijing 2009/2010/2011

Every single moment.

Every single memory made there.

Everyone I met there.

Everything is locked in my heart.

'I'll always look back,

As I walk away,

This memory will last,

For eternity,

And all of our tears will be lost in the rain.'

'Westlife - The queen of my heart'

Evil.

I am not evil.
You make me evil.
And I like it.




















A lot :$

Because of you.

Just remember that I am doing this for you.
You can say whatever you want to say.
But you were the one that cut me off from your life.
And if you want me back in your life, then you should try your very best.
Because I am still believing you don't want me in your life.
If that's the thing, then I am accepting it.
But right now it's like I have to do everything to get you back.
Well let me tell you this, I am not going to do that.
It's not because I dislike you or anything like that,
It was you who cut me off, not me.
And well,
I guess that if you don't respond within now and a few weeks,
I will really cut you off this time.
Because I have to let you go.
This time for the fully 100%.
The biggest part of me already moved on.
And I am not planning to go over this whole thing again.
I need to leave, this time for real.
Because I need to find back myself.
Which I lost, because of you.

My everlasting flower.

I remember you calling me a butterfly.
I liked that nickname.
The meaning behind it was that I got happy when the sun shined.
Now I guess I have discovered another meaning.
Butterflies don't have one flower they stick with and eat the nectar from.
They fly from flower to flower...
And actually I can't stick with one flower either...
It's not that I want to hurt anyone,
It's just that I don't think I have found my everlasting flower yet.
The flower that I stick with until the day I die.

Risk.

As time passes by I wish I started to care less.
And actually, I do care less.
But when it comes to this, I get so damn insecure.
How do you start?
How do you end?
What do you say?
And most of all, will you get hurt or not?
If you look at it closely,
You will find out it is one big cliche.
You want to be close,
But at the same time you would like to run away.
Because you don't know what will happen next.
You are afraid that something will happen, something you don't like.
And just to protect yourself,
You'd rather run away than stay.

But on the other hand, you want to stay.
Because staying right here makes you extremely happy.
And maybe something will happen, something you do like.

You just don't know what willl happen next.
And yes it is a risk you are taking.
But the thing is,
If you'll never try than you'll never know.
And because I always want to know everything,
Because I am curious about everything.
I'd like to take that risk.
And see if it was worth taking it.

Heart.

Makes you feel like flying.
Makes you feel warm inside.
Makes your cheeks blush.
Makes you smile.
Makes you extremely dreamy.
Makes you want to dance and jump.

I guess I lost a part of me, although I am not sure how much.

So that's how it is.

So stop talking.
There is nothing you can do or say to change my mind anyway.
That's just who I am.
And it doesn't matter, I am already in...
Which means I am not getting out soon.
So what do you want to do about it ?

Look at my starsign which says I am a capricorn...
Which means I am kinda stubborn.

So leave me, I already made up my mind.
And only time will tell if I will change it again or not.
So that's how it is.

Easy.

It's always like this.
With something small.
I get attached to someone.
Someone steals either my thoughts or my heart.
And as soon as someone else passes by,
It changes.
I get caught up by someone else.
And you might judge me for being like that.
But I don't think it is going to change any time soon.

Still..

I wonder if there will be someone that can prevent me from doing this.
I am waiting for that person...