The past

I still remember the day I started this blog.
It was just after you left me.
After you left me hanging and waiting for days.
You told me I had to wait.
I was so afraid, I couldn't bare feeling anxious anymore.
So I started talking to you again.
And you broke up with me.

After that, I found someone else.
I thought this time it would be different.
But I was wrong again.
Some people just don't have it in them to be the one for you.
Some people just don't know how to handle you.
Some people are not worth your time or love.
When you have given everything.
When you have tried everything.
When you don't get a second chance, a real second chance.
You stop caring.
When you know all you did was love that one person.
You cared more about him than anyone else in the world.

It feels like I have lost who I truely was.
It feels like I lost my friends and family.
I know I might not get back.
I know it might hurt.
But I want you to know.
What you did was mean.
It was plain mean.
You didn't think for a second about the consequences or about my feelings.
In fact I really wonder if you every thought about my feelings.
All I know is that for now it's the past.
If you ever consider coming back, you better make an effort.
Because I am not.

I don't know you

At first, I was excited to see you and meet you.
So I acted nice and I really liked being around you, because one day you would become my family.
Then things started to get awkward.
Things happened, things I did not understand.
Still I tried to work things out and be nice.
I just wanted to be a part in your life, build a bond and understand who you were.

Then I saw my own heart cry and it felt like you didn't care.
I didn't understand why.
Yet I still tried, but at a certain point I just didn't feel responsible for your relationship.
Which in fact really isn't my responsibility, so that's what I told you: "I have nothing to do with your relationship."

Then you got angry...
I don't know why and you deleted me, out of nowhere...
I didn't understand why.

Then I tried one more time and you scolded me like a little child.

I am not your child.
You are not more important than me.
You can't break me
You have nothing to do with my life.
You have nothing to do with my relationship.
You do not respect me or my heart.
You do not care about anyone but yourself.
And I am done chasing you.
I am done trying to please you, trying to be kind to you.
I never really knew you and I don't want to know you.
I don't know you.

Rainbows

You were my coldest winter
You made me laugh
You made me cry
You taught me so many things
You created new opportunities
You gave me new friendships
You gave me the best memories I ever had
You will always have a special place in my heart
You are my home
And you will always be my magic.
I love you.